Writing for Botany

Chapter 4 - Revising and Rethinking Your Ideas

My first draft usually has only a few elements worth keeping. I have to find what they are and build from them and throw out what doesn't work, or what simply is not alive.
Susan Sontag

In general, those who have nothing to say contrive to spend the longest time doing it.
James Lowell

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.
William Strunk, Jr.

Clearness is the most important matter in the use of words.
Quintilian

Simplicity of expression is a natural result of profound thought.
Robert Day

Make your words forceful, compact, and energetic . . . A few strong, carefully selected words will deliver your message with the kick of a mule.
Mark Bacon

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein

On the whole, I think the pains which my father took over the literary part of the work was very remarkable. He often laughed or grumbled at himself for the difficulty which he had in writing English, saying, for instance, that if a bad arrangement of a sentence was possible, he would be sure to adopt it . . . When a sentence got hopelessly involved, he would ask himself "now what do you want to say?" and his answer written down, would often disentangle the confusion.
Francis Darwin, The Life of Charles Darwin

If technical terms are introduced, then they must be explained or handled in such a way that the general reader gets to understand them. Jargon should not be used to fog over anything that is difficult to explain.
Richard Fifield, Executive Editor, New Scientist

Scientific articles are most commonly impaired by their authors' misuse of words.
John Maddox, Editor, Nature

For one word a man is often deemed to be wise, and for one word he is often deemed to be foolish. We should be careful indeed what we say.
Confucius

The first draft that you created at the end of the previous chapter identified and organized your ideas. It was written primarily for yourself. Now it's time to rethink your ideas and communicate with your audience. To do this, you must revise what you've written.

Revision is not synonymous with "correcting mistakes." Rather, it involves rethinking what you've written. You'll probably have to revise your paper several times before you "get it right." Each revision will improve your paper and sharpen your ideas. This is why revision, if done correctly, can help you learn about botany.

The following suggestions will help you rethink and revise what you've written. Rather than present a long list of abstract rules and theories as do most books about "scientific writing," I instead provide a few simple suggestions that you can readily use.

SIMPLIFY WHAT YOU'VE WRITTEN

Although you'll often use technical terms such as photosynthesis when you write about plants, the use of such terms does not mean that your writing must be complex. For example, there's no reason to write that "The biota exhibited a 100% mortality response," when all you mean is that "All of the plants died."

Simplicity is a hallmark of effective writing because it is an outward sign of clear thinking. Wherever possible, use simple and familiar words instead of big ones. Remember: write to learn and communicate, not to impress or confuse. Keep it simple and straightforward.

DELETE UNNECESSARY WORDS

Unnecessary words are clutter that obscure your ideas. To avoid them, ask yourself what can be deleted or shortened. Here are some unnecessary words and phrases that you should consider deleting from your writing:

: Needless to say; It goes without saying; It is of interest to note that; It is worth noting that; It is important to note here that; It is clear that; It should be mentioned that; As a matter of fact

**Also delete redundant words such as these:**
total of 56 plants	science of botany	for the purpose of
on a daily basis	in order to	collaborate together
grand total	mutual cooperation	separate entities
original source	most unique	smaller in size
green in color	few in number	viable alternative
two different methods	absolutely essential	active consideration
alternative choice	past experience	mix together
component part	consensus of opinion	firmly commit
fully recognize	join together	perfectly clear
conclusive proof	unusual in nature	equal halves
future plans	previously discovered	advance notice
general consensus	the question as to whether	true facts
very unique	absolutely pure	final outcome
first of all	with a view to

Don't bore your readers with unnecessary words. Write concisely.

REPLACE BIG WORDS WITH SIMPLE AND FAMILIAR WORDS

Wherever possible, replace big words with simple words. Here are a few suggestions:

endeavor		try
elucidate		explain
afford an opportunity to		allow
in advance of		before
due to the fact that		because
a great deal of		much
based on the fact that		because
despite the fact that		although
has the capability of		can
in many cases		often
at some future point in time		later
at this point in time		now
arrive at a decision		decide
the trend seems to suggest that		perhaps
small number of		few
in the event that		if
be cognizant of		know
a large number of		many
it may well be that		perhaps

If you find yourself using long words and elaborate phrases, remember that short words will be easier for your audience to understand than long words. Erasmus Darwin (Charles Darwin's grandfather) omitted the long words from his medical encyclopedia written in 1794 because "a short periphrasis is easier to be understood, and less burdensome to the memory." If you need to look up periphrasis in the dictionary, you'll know what he meant.

WRITE CLEARLY AND PRECISELY

If what you write is vague, readers will conclude that you either don't understand your subject or that you are an inept botanist. To avoid such perceptions, your writing must be clear and precise.

Clarity will ensure that what you write will be readily understood. Clarity is a hallmark of effective writing, and is a map for how a clear mind attacks a problem and produces clear conclusions. In botany, like other sciences, clarity is especially important when stating conclusions for the first time. Remember: if you can't write clearly about a topic, you can't claim to understand the topic.

The lack of clarity usually arises from a careless choice of words. For example, consider this sentence:
The professor instructed students to do the experiments; alternately, they should submit written, individual reports.

Alternately means "one after the other," whereas alternatively means "one instead of the other." If the writer meant alternatively, there is a difference in how the work is done. Other words that are often confused by botanists and other scientists include uninterested/disinterested, amount/number, can/may, compare/contrast, farther/further, affect/effect, mean/median, deduction/induction, population/sample, fewer/less, genotype/phenotype, which/that, and imply/infer.

Don't choose camouflage and insulation over clarity and directness. Be precise; know the meaning of every word that you use and say exactly what you mean. If you're not sure about the meaning and usage of a word, refer to a dictionary or thesaurus. Do all you can to ensure that you will not be misunderstood.

DON'T DANGLE YOUR MODIFIERS

If you begin a sentence with a participial phrase, be sure that the phrase modifies the subject of the sentence. If it doesn't, it "dangles"-that is, it is in front of a word that it doesn't modify. This confuses readers. For example, consider this sentence: "After killing the plants, the herbicide was tested." Did the herbicides kill the plants, or did someone kill the plants and then test the herbicide? From this sentence, there's no way to tell. Consequently, this sentence is poorly written.

: Dangling modifiers often create funny (and embarrassing) sentences. For example:

: After germination, I fertilized the plants.
When exposed to long nights, you can observe flowering.
While waiting for the autoclave to be repaired, the seeds germinated.

Don't let carelessness about writing embarrass you and hurt your grades. Keep related words together. If you start a sentence with a participial phrase, be sure that the subject of the phrase follows immediately.

USE STRONG VERBS

In writing, the most important word in a sentence is usually the verb. For maximum clarity and impact, use strong verbs. For example:

: Weak: Melvin Calvin and his colleagues performed the study of photosynthesis. Stronger: Melvin Calvin and his colleagues studied photosynthesis.

: Weak: My results are in support of Moore's conclusion. Stronger: My results support Moore's conclusion.

PREFER ACTIVE VOICE

In writing, voice refers to the relationship of a verb to its subject. If the subject acts, the sentence is written in active voice. If the subject receives the verb's action, the sentence is written in passive voice. Most scientists write in passive voice.

Passive voice can be useful, especially when you want to focus attention on the receiver of some action. Thus, saying that "The plants were taken to the greenhouse" emphasizes the plants more than the person who took the plants to the greenhouse. Also, some passive sentences can't be written in active voice. For example, consider this sentence: "Petri dishes are made of glass." You do not have the option of saying "Make petri dishes out of glass." Finally, passive voice is useful when you want to avoid accountability; that's why embarrassed politicians often report that "Funds were found to be missing" rather than "I stole the money."

Passive voice produces an abstract style of writing based on to be verbs such as is, was, and were. Here are some examples of passive voice:

It was suggested that the experiment be terminated.
Papers are written.
A cracker is wanted.

Active voice produces a style of writing in which the subject acts. For example,

I suggested that we end the experiment.
Students write papers.
Polly wants a cracker.

Great scientists--Einstein, Darwin, Newton, Faraday, Feynman, and Curie, to name just a few-have used active voice to enhance their powerful arguments and brilliant ideas. In doing so, they eliminated ambiguity while simultaneously putting their actions on equal terms with the objects and organisms they manipulated. For example, note how Watson and Crick used active voice to begin their landmark paper about the structure of DNA:

We wish to suggest a structure for the salt of the deoxyribose nucleic acid (D.N.A.).

Watson and Crick used active voice because they know what good writers know: that active voice improves readability, makes sentences more concise, increases the impact of your writing, and helps readers understand what you've written (see discussion in Moore, 1991).

When you write, prefer active voice.

DON'T STACK MODIFIERS

If you stack two or more modifiers in front of a subject or verb, readers might have trouble deciding which word the first modifier is modifying. For example, consider the phrase "red algal pigments." Does this mean "pigments from red algae" or "red pigments from algae"? You can avoid such confusion by making sure that no more than one modifier precedes each noun.

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. MAKE STATEMENTS AND BACK THEM UP.

This one is simple. Don't expect readers to accept what you can't support with evidence and logic.

CREATE EFFECTIVE ARGUMENTS WITH EFFECTIVE PARAGRAPHS

The major units of scientific writing are paragraphs. It's easy to design an effective paragraph if you first write an effective topic sentence. A topic sentence contains the idea that is developed throughout the rest of the paragraph. An excellent example of a topic sentence is the first sentence in Watson and Crick's paper describing the structure of DNA (see above). In designing your paragraphs, keep the following ideas in mind:

The topic sentence is usually the first sentence of the paragraph.
All other sentences in the paragraph should relate to the topic sentence. If a sentence in the paragraph doesn't relate to the paragraph's topic sentence, delete it.
Start a new paragraph when you shift to a new idea.

Do not ignore the importance of a topic sentence. Paragraphs that lack a topic sentence are harder to read, misunderstood more often, and recalled less clearly.

To write effectively means you'll also have to make smooth transitions. Transitions are important because they connect related ideas; they do this by showing relationships, by leading readers to your conclusions, and by telling readers about the next idea-what's going to happen, when it has started, and when it is finished. Here are some words and phrases that can help you connect your ideas and build effective arguments:

Conclude with words such as therefore, thus, because, and consequently.
Alert readers of changes with words such as yet, but, and however. These words tell readers that their expectations are not likely to be met, thereby preparing them for new information.
Add information with words such as furthermore, also, and moreover.
Contrast ideas with words such as conversely and nevertheless.
Illustrate ideas with words and phrases such as namely and for example.
Subordinate ideas with words such as while, if, and although.
Show sequences with words such as first, later, finally, and next.

Transitions keep readers oriented to what's going on. Thus, transitional words will usually appear at the beginning of sentences and near the middle of paragraphs where examples, comparisons, and cautions are most likely to occur.

BE IMPARTIAL.

Acknowledge assumptions and sources of error, and base your conclusions on logic and evidence. Convince readers that your study was vigorous and included all reasonable options and approaches. As Charles Darwin wrote in On the Origin of Species, "A fair result can be obtained only by fully stating and balancing the facts and arguments on both sides of each question."

BE COMPLETE.

Be sure that nothing is implied or left to readers' imaginations. Don't disappoint readers by failing to make a conclusion. If you can't make any conclusions, you probably need to do more experiments or learn more about your subject.

VARY THE LENGTHS OF YOUR SENTENCES

This sentence has five words. This one also has five. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. This is getting rather monotonous. You are probably getting bored.

To be most effective, you must vary the lengths of your sentences. Use short sentences. However, also use sentences that are longer and contain more information. When you are sure that the reader is rested, engage him or her with a longer sentence that summarizes your ideas or prepares readers for your next idea.

UNDERSTAND HOW THE LENGTH OF A PARAGRAPH AFFECTS READABILITY

Paragraphs present ideas; they are visual breaks as well as signals that readers should assimilate what they have just read. Readers divide paragraphs into two parts: (1) a summary of the paragraph's message, and (2) information that stresses that message. The message is best expressed in the topic sentence, with the most important information placed at the end of that sentence. The rest of the paragraph is where you should develop (and where readers will look for) new ideas that support that message.

Readers take cues from paragraphs based on transitions (see above) and length. Here are some suggestions for using length to enhance the quality of your writing.

Avoid short paragraphs (fewer than two sentences) and long paragraphs (more than seven sentences). Try not to make paragraphs longer than about 140 words. The best research shows that readers won't look much past about 140 words for your idea.
Avoid monotony by varying the length of your sentences. Try to ensure that the average length of sentences is less than about 18 words. If your average sentence is longer than that, you'll risk sounding like a lawyer, whose average sentences often contain more than 50 words.

READ YOUR PAPER ALOUD

Reading your paper aloud will show you the sound of your words. You'll also hear the sour note of any words that are not quite right. If you find yourself breathless at the end of a sentence, the sentence is probably too long; divide it into two or three shorter sentences.

REVIEW WHAT YOU'VE WRITTEN

Set your paper aside for a day or two. Then review what you've written by asking yourself these questions:

Will readers readily understand what the paper is about?
Does each paragraph advance the subject?
Do the important ideas stand out?
Are more details and examples needed?
Have I supported all of my statements?
Do any technical terms need explanation?
Can anything that I've written be misunderstood?
Is the information clear?

If you follow the suggestions discussed in this chapter, you'll be well on your way to learning more about botany and to producing a paper that can be understood and appreciated by your audience.

Exercises

1. We all enjoy eating juicy red tomatoes in our salads and sandwiches. Unfortunately, tomatoes have a short shelf-life; one estimate claims that 50% of tomatoes worldwide eventually spoil. In the early 1990s, botanists devised a clever way of lengthening the shelf-life of tomatoes.

Go to the library and learn how botanists have lengthened the shelf-life of tomatoes. Then write a short essay about what you've learned. For a start toward collecting information about this topic, see Oeller, et al. 1991. Reversible inhibition of tomato fruit senescence by antisense RNA. Science 254: 437-439.

2. Discuss, support, or refute the ideas contained in these quotations:
The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture; especially, a bread grain; next in value to bread is oil.--Thomas Jefferson

Plants, instead of affecting the air in the same manner as animal respiration, reverse the effect of breathing and tend to keep the atmosphere sweet and wholesome.--Joseph Priestly

One in ten plant species contains anticancer substances of variable potency, but relatively few have been bioassayed.--Edward O. Wilson

As important as the techniques of molecular biology are for the study of plant hormones, it is essential that we not lose sight of the integrated function of the plant as a whole.--Mike Evans

The whole organism subsists only by means of the reciprocal action of the single elementary parts.--Theodor Schwann

The structure of tissues and their functions, are two aspects of the same thing.--Alexis Carroll

Eventually, we'll realize that if we destroy the ecosystem, we destroy ourselves.--Jonas Salk

3. In the previous chapter you wrote a rough draft about a subject chosen from the papers listed in Appendix A. Use what you've learned in this chapter to rethink your ideas and revise that draft.

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