Name Date Section
How Compatible Are You and Your Prospective Partner?  

Both you and your partner should take the quiz below and then compare your answers. This quiz is not meant to be a valid scientific measure of your compatibility; it was put together to get you thinking about situations that can be difficult and cause stress in a relationship. It's perfectly OK to have some disagreement--provided you're able to compromise or, at least, agree to disagree. Suggestions for each of the issues mentioned follow the quiz.

1. How many of the 10 items on this list do you have in common with your prospective mate: religion, career, same hometown or neighborhood, friends, education level, income level, cultural pastimes, sports/recreation activities, travel, physical attraction?
 
2. Would you prefer a relationship that is
  a. male-dominated?
  b. female-dominated?
  c. a partnership?
3. What banking arrangement sounds best after marriage?
  a. separate accounts
  b. joint account
  c. joint account but some cash for each of you to spend as you please with no accounting
4. If you share an account, whose responsibility should it be to balance the checkbook and pay bills?
  a. the man in the family
  b. the woman in the family
  c. whoever is better at math and details
5. If you inherited $10,000, would you prefer it to be
  a. saved toward a major purchase?
  b. spent on something you could enjoy together, such as a vacation?
  c. spent on luxury items you could enjoy individually, such as a fur coat or golf clubs?
6. Where do you think you should spend major holidays?
  a. with his family
  b. with her family
  c. alternating with his and her family
7. How frequently do you want to see your in-laws if they live in the same town?
  a. only on special occasions and holidays
  b. twice a month
  c. at least once a week
8. How frequently do you enjoy talking with your parents?
  a. every day
  b. once a week
  c. once a month or less
9. If you both have careers, what will be your priority?
  a. marriage before career
  b. marriage equally important to career
  c. career before marriage; my spouse is going to have to be understanding
10. If you are offered a career promotion with a hefty raise making your income much more than your spouse's but involving a move out of state, would you
  a. expect your mate to be agreeable to relocation?
  b. try a commuter marriage; only seeing each other weekends or occasionally?
  c. say no rather than move; money isn't everything?
11. If your new spouse sets aside one evening a week to go out with a friend or friends of his or her same sex, would you feel
  a. jealous of the time away from you?
  b. happy that he or she has friends?
  c. This should not go on; let your feelings be known.
12. If you've had a bad day at the office and come home feeling moody, would you prefer that your mate
  a. back off, get out of the way?
  b. act sympathetic, be a good listener?
  c. discuss the events that led to your mood, perhaps offering some alternative suggestions for dealing with the people or problems that made you unhappy?
13. If your mate does something that makes you extremely angry, are you most likely to
  a. forgive and forget it?
  b. hurl insults?
  c. mention you are angry at an appropriate time, preferably when the anger is first felt, and explain why without making derogatory accusations?
14. If you can't stand his or her friends and he or she can't stand yours, how will you deal with this after marriage? (You may choose more than one.)
  a. Cultivate new friends that you both can enjoy.
  b. See your friends by yourself; let him or her do the same.
  c. Phase out the friends you knew before marriage; expect your partner to do the same.
15. If you and your spouse-to-be practice different religions, would you expect to
  a. convert before marriage?
  b. have him or her convert before marriage?
  c. take turns attending each other's place of worship?
  d. observe religious days separately?
  e. not worry about it; religion is not an issue in your relationship?
16. When do you want to start a family?
  a. as soon as possible
  b. after you have spent a few years enjoying your relationship as a couple
  c. as soon as careers are firmly established
  d. never
17. What is your attitude about housework? (You may check more than one.)
  a. It is unmasculine for a man to do it. A woman should do all of it even if she chooses to have a career.
  b. It is fine for a man to help, but only with certain tasks, such as mowing the lawn or taking out the trash.
  c. If a woman works outside the home, cleaning should be shared.
  d. Even if a woman does not work outside the home, cleaning should be shared.
18. Before marriage, you go out as a couple several times a week. A few months after marriage, you realize that you are going out a lot less. You would consider this
  a. OK. The pace was exhausting.
  b. Dull. You worry that you are being taken for granted.
  c. Not OK. You and your mate should make plans for some evenings out or evenings at home with friends.
19. You need to buy a new suit. Your spouse wants to come along. Would you see this as a sign of
  a. interest in spending time with you?
  b. crowding your relationship?
  c. watch-dogging your taste or pocketbook?
20. How would you prefer to spend your annual vacation? (Choose as many as apply.)
  a. on a trip by yourself
  b. on a trip with your mate
  c. on a trip with your mate and another couple
  d. visiting your relatives or in-laws at their homes
  e. at a beach relaxing
  f. engaged in an active sport such as skiing, tennis camp, or hiking/camping
  g. traveling to another city for sightseeing/shopping
  h. at home catching up on repairs, appointments, books, visits with friends
  i. I would rather take a vacation less frequently than once a year and spend this money on rent or mortgage, enabling us to live in a more convenient or prestigious neighborhood.
21. If you were hunting for a place to live, would you prefer being in
  a. the country?
  b. the suburbs?
  c. the city?
22. If your spouse-to-be had many loves before he or she met you, would you prefer that he or she
  a. keep the details to himself or herself?
  b. tell you everything?
  c. answer truthfully but only the questions you ask, such as what broke up each relationship?
23. If your new spouse is in a romantic mood and you are not, how would you be most likely to respond?
  a. communicate your mood; suggest another time
  b. pretend you are feeling romantic
  c. invent an excuse rather than communicate your mood


Once you and your prospective partner have completed the questionnaire, compare your answers with the following commentary in mind.

  1. The more you have in common, the more of your life you can share and enjoy together.

  2. Research and experiences of many couples have shown that the equal relationship is most successful.

  3. There is not one right answer. Decide what works best for you and creates the least tension in your relationship.

  4. There is not one right answer. Decide what works best for you and creates the least tension in your relationship.

  5. You need to understand your priorities and be able to communicate them to your partner. Without this, you can find yourself in great financial conflict and tension.

  6. Be able to compromise on this one.

  7. Let your spouse know that he or she comes first before parents and in-laws regardless of how often relatives will be seen.

  8. Let your spouse know that he or she comes first before parents and in-laws regardless of how often relatives will be seen.

  9. Talk about career and marriage priorities. Can you accept your spouse's choice if he or she considers time spent on work more important right now than time spent with you?

  10. There is not one right answer. Decide what works best for you and creates the least tension in your relationship.

  11. It's healthy to have friends. You can't realistically expect your mate to spend 24 hours around the clock with you. If you or your mate go off for a time with friends, it wouldn't be too mushy to kiss, hug, or otherwise reassure your mate by words or actions that he or she is still first in your life.

  12. There are times when each answer would be best. Be sensitive to your mate's mood. If you are the one in the bad mood, don't expect your mate to read your mind as to whether you need space, sympathy, or discussion. Clue him or her in.

  13. Answer C is best. You must learn how to express anger constructively.

  14. Be careful here. If you make his or her old friends feel left out or unimportant, they could work on your prospective mate to break up your relationship.

  15. If you have major differences on this one, you may want to consider terminating the relationship instead of committing to marriage.

  16. It's impossible to have half a child. Compromise won't work on this one, so it is best to speak your mind before marriage.

  17. The most successful marriages are the ones in which men and women do not limit themselves in the traditional masculine-feminine roles. The sharing of responsibility heightens a sense of trust, caring, and cooperation.

  18. Sometimes the pace during dating is frantic. It is nice to calm down, but not nice to settle down to the point that each of you is taking the other for granted. Marriage requires continual work if you are going to keep adventure and interest in the relationship.

  19. Whether you see it as interest, crowding, or distrust, communicate your feelings to your mate. If you'd rather shop alone, let that be known too.

  20. Agree upon your needs in advance of the annual vacation, or what should be a time of relaxation away from the daily grind will turn into a source of tension and arguments. There is nothing wrong with separate vacations if one of you wants to fish on the lake and the other enjoys sightseeing.

  21. If you are set on a particular style of living and not willing to change it after marriage, speak up before you say, "I do."

  22. In general, it is not a good idea to go into great detail about past relationships because they are not totally relevant to your current one. However, trust and honesty are very important. If your partner asks a question, answer honestly but think very carefully. If you are the one doing the questioning, ask yourself, "Do I really want to hear this?"

  23. There are times in your relationship when you may not want to go along with your spouse's romantic feelings, but it is generally best to communicate in a nice way without making him or her feel rejected or unloved because you simply are not in the mood. Do suggest another time.



SOURCE: Hendrick, S. S. 1988. A generic measure of relationship satisfaction. Journal of Marriage and the Family 50:93-98. Copyright ©1988 by the National Council on Family Relations, 3989 Central Ave., N.E., Ste. 550, Minneapolis, MN 55421. Reprinted by permission.

Copyright © 2004 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher.