Name Date Section
Love Maps  

Part I. Love Maps Questionnaire

Emotionally intelligent couples have richly detailed "love maps"--they know about each other's history, major goals and beliefs, and day-to-day struggles. To assess the quality of your current love maps, answer each of the following questions with "true" or "false."

    1. I can name my partner's best friends.
    2. I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing.
    3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
    4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams.
    5. I am very familiar with my partner's religious beliefs and ideas.
    6. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life.
    7. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
    8. I know my partner's favorite music.
    9. I can list my partner's three favorite movies.
    10. My partner is familiar with my current stresses.
    11. I know the three most special times in my partner's life.
    12. I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to my partner as a child.
    13. I can list my partner's major aspirations and hopes in life.
    14. I know my partner's major current worries.
    15. My partner knows who my friends are.
    16. I know what my partner would want to do if he or she suddenly won the lottery.
    17. I can tell you in detail my first impressions of my partner.
    18. Periodically, I ask my partner about his or her world right now.
    19. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
    20. My partner is familiar with my hopes and aspirations.

    Your Score:

    Scoring:

    10 or above: This is an area of strength in your relationship. You have a fairly detailed map of your partner's everyday life, hopes, fears, and dreams. If you maintain this level of knowledge and understanding of each other, you'll be well equipped to handle any problem areas that crop up in your relationship.

    Below 10: Your relationship could stand some improvement in this area. By taking the time to learn more about your partner now, you'll find your relationship becomes stronger.


    Part II. Make Your Own Love Maps

    If your current love map is inadequate or out of date, interview your partner to learn more about what is going on in his or her life. Just ask questions--don't judge or offer advice. Your goal is to listen and learn.

    The cast of characters in my partner's life

    Friends:


    Potential friends:


    Rivals, competitors, "enemies":


    Recent important events in my partner's life


    Upcoming events (What is my partner looking forward to? Dreading?)


    My partner's current stresses


    My partner's current worries


    My partner's hopes and aspirations (For self? For others?)



    SOURCE: Gottman, J. M. and N. Silver. 1999. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Three Rivers Press. Used by permission of Crown Publishers, a division of Random House, Inc.

    Copyright © 2004 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher.